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empowering, empowerment, happiness, individuality, Life, living, politics, relationships, society, success, woman, women, womyn
Dainty and demure, from a small age, girls are taught to cross their legs, shrink to a waif, flaunt for the boys, and choose a salad. Always salad. We are expected to be the girl next door. We are expected to remain mum, and to play nice. We are raised on the societally constructed principle that our beauty is chiefly for male attention.
So we put on a little bit of mascara for a pop–they will drown in our eyes. We dab perfume on the nape of our necks–it smells so seductive, they will be hypnotized. We wash, then blow dry, then straighten, then curl our hair for those perfect beach waves–the bounce, alone, will make them swoon. We get so caught up in how men view us, we sadly, rather, tragically forget that we can do all of these things for ourselves, too. And absolutely nothing is as satisfying as living your life for yourself.
You see, there is a common, fucking antiquated misconception that a beautiful woman could not possibly be a feminist–that a woman whose beauty turns heads has no need to worry about the troubles of the world, or to voice her opinion on women’s issues. After all, she is gorgeous, and the world will fall at her feet. Then, there is the age-old stereotype of feminists being unattractive, man-hating beings. Both of these drive me absolutely mad.
Starting from a young age, my parents always made sure never to push me too far in any direction. Perhaps the laid back parenting is the reason why I am so fiercely independent. They made sure that if I wore makeup, I did so for myself. If I dressed a certain way, I did it for my own pleasure. If I chose to support a political idea, a social cause, I did it because I identified with it. They steered me away from becoming a people-pleaser.
My mother, especially, passed down her “zero fucks given” attitude, and always taught me to be my own person. Growing up in a conservative household, where excelling at finishing school and finding a suitable husband were the only expectations held of her, she wanted to make sure I never felt suffocated in the way that she had. My parents did everything they could to assure that I would grow up to be a woman who lived first, and foremost, for herself.
Somewhere along the way, however, sometime in high school, the lines got a tad blurred. I started modeling professionally, which meant that being a feminist was contradictory. How could a girl who made money off her physicality hold valuable opinions on reproductive rights, rape and assault, wage-gaps, or educational rights? My opinion wasn’t worth shit.
But in the last five or so years, I have seen our world change. So often, we get preoccupied with focusing on how much work is to be done, that we neglect to recognize the small steps made along the way. Today, I can proudly say that I know many, many beautiful, successful women who have opinions that they daily voice. I know women who break down these gender barriers every single day when they walk into the office. They look incredible because their beauty is their own. They dress for themselves, live for themselves, speak for themselves, and earn for themselves. They accept their bodies for what they are because they understand that we are meant to be flawed. They do not live for male attention because their self-worth is based on their own opinions of themselves.
These are the women who recognize that change begins within ourselves. So they work ruthlessly to build self-fulfilling, indulgent lives of their own. While some of them do not ruthlessly consider men disposable in the same way that I do, they believe in placing social value on their own characters, not in a man’s opinion of their breasts. These are the women who brush off being called a bitch because they know that mean words are the least of life’s bumps. These women do not value the opinion of a layperson. They value of the opinions of those who matter.
My friends are these women.
My mother is this woman.
I am this woman.
In the words of Maya Angelou, “A wise woman refuses to be society’s victim.”